A Day Like Today

One year ago, on a day like very much like today, this large empty room was a much different place. Many candles burned where now there is only one. The sounds of Bob Marley filled the room as they do tonight. I was alone with Karyn, just the two of us, as we were in the beginning. In a time when we were simply together, in love, happy and free with nothing but the great mystery of life ahead of us. Sadly though, unlike those long gone times, this would be her final day. The body that had carried her to so many places, guided her through so many stages and had created two new lives was growing tired of fighting an unbeatable disease. It was on this day, July 16, 2006 that her body would make its final earthly gesture. The breath she took at 2:34PM became her last and so ended Karyn's life as we knew it.

When I first met Karyn I was completely overwhelmed by her presence. Her beauty was beyond words and she exuded an energy that I had never encountered before. These distant times are like a wonderful dream you fight to remember in the early hours of the morning. They were innocent and pure and will forever be among the greatest moments of my life. Our connection was greater than the sum of the parts, our friendship unlike any I've experienced and her influence strong enough to continue to this day. We created two amazing human beings together and our lives became dedicated to their lives. I can count on one hand the times we were apart. I can count on two fingers the times that we fought (bickering not included). I don't need fingers to count the times we raised our voices at each other because that never happened. We created our own relevance here and, in the spirit of that great American dream, we hand-crafted careers that were woven into our lives. Our destinies were proudly in the palm of our hands until that fateful 26th day of January in 2006 when we learned that control would be relinquished to fate.

A little over a year after watching my dear friend, mentor, hero and father lose his brief battle with cancer at 62 I was back watching it all over again... this time it was Karyn. Of course, I wasn't alone. We all watched in horror as one surgery led to more and one complication begat another. Seeking hope between every line of every horrific bit of information we were given, we pressed on. Soldiers on an impossible battlefield, life contained no respite. When you fight the fight of your life, all rules and restrictions are thrown by the wayside and survival takes center stage. But as is often the case in life, some foes are too powerful to be beaten, some stories are too sad to be told and some things are simply too unbelievable to believe.

Many of you have commented on how appreciative you were that I was able to share so many thoughts and experiences with you as the situation with Karyn unfolded. Those of you that truly know me understand that this is just how I am. I felt it was my obligation to make sure that all of you, Karyn's dear friends and family, were up-to-date on what was going on. And while our lives here were put on hold, the outpouring of support was truly amazing. Though I have not yet had the chance to formally thank the 250 of you who offered everything from meals to money, let me simply say that we could have never made it through this ordeal without your tremendous support and it humbles me to this very day. To whatever extent my posts were able to ease your anxieties as you watched and worried from afar, I am grateful. As it turns out, this blog has unintentionally become my journal from the front lines and I will personally see to it that it be bound and archived so Aidan and Lieneka will be able to travel to this confusing time when they are ready to do so.

This will be my final post to the blog and I feel it's a fitting time and way to end this chapter in our lives. I know Karyn would want us to be focused on the happy things in life and to remain grateful for all that we have. I encourage you all to post comments here if you wish to and I will see to it that they are all added to the archive. I intend to keep the blog online indefinitely so that it is always out there to serve as a reminder of how quickly life can turn around and how thankful we should be for every day we get to experience. It's easier said than done I'm afraid, but we do the best we can.

I am always happy to get messages from you all so stay in touch when you can. And to those of you who know what I mean...

Everything *is* gonna be alright.



I love you Karyn.


~Julian