Karyn Memorial

Hello everyone...

I wanted to let you all know that we have arrived at a date for
Karyn's memorial service. It will be held on September 9th at San
Domenico school. Though we have not set a time yet, I am fairly sure
it will be starting at 11am. For those of you that aren't familiar
with San Domenico, it is a beautiful school located at the end of
Butterfield Rd. in San Anselmo.

I also wanted to say a quick thank you for all of the cards, well
wishes, offers to help and phone calls. Though it's only been a few
short weeks since Karyn passed away, it feels like months ago and her
illness (thankfully) seems like years ago. That said, it is always
present in my mind what has happened, the pain that she endured and
the emotional suffering she withstood. I have been archiving this
blog for the future, sometime when Aidan and Lieneka will be old
enough to comprehend what happened to the wonderful person that is
their mother. As I read the entries now, I realize what a trance I
lived in and how my focus was so strong that I often was oblivious to
the reality around me. Sadly, the thoughts I have now are filled with
sadness over what it must have been like to be Karyn. To watch such a
wonderful life crumble and to be fully aware of where her road was
leading her.

Now that we've arrived at this new place, I am happy to say that I
have already fulfilled one of Karyn's wishes. There were two things
she relayed to me just before her second major surgery so that I
would know what to do should she not survive that operation. Though I
was never fearful of that at the time, I fortunately let her tell me
what her wishes were. One was to plant a magnolia tree in the back
yard, something I did for her on Sunday, right around the time she
left us 2 weeks prior. For those of you that know the house, it is in
the middle of the lawn and can be seen from all three bedrooms. Just
this morning I woke up and saw the leaves shimmering in the sunlight,
I thought of her and then realized that the tree was in the right
place. Her second wish has yet to be fulfilled, but it will happen soon.

Many of you have been asking about how we are doing, some of you have
called, some of you have written. The truth is, we are managing
pretty well here. The size of this loss in not something that I can
comprehend, so I spend my time focused on the kids, setting up
playdates, going on adventures (we went to the SF Zoo yesterday) and
planning for the future. I do not avoid what happened with them---
especially Aidan. When he says he misses his mommy, I tell him how
much I miss her too. This is not something to run from, but to run
straight in to. We cannot change a thing that has happened, and to
try to fight it or somehow think that actions would change anything
is wrong. Karyn would want us to move forward as best we can, and I
think she would be proud of us right now.

I will update everyone on the final plans as soon as we lock things
down.

~Julian